WRESTLEMANIA 23: ALL F-CKED UP

Taker's win: the only good thing from WM 23. (photo from wwe.com)


The Driver Seat
by Hub Pacheco

Let me just start of by apologizing to the little girl who sat behind me during the airing of Wrestlemania 23 this morning. It was not my intention to curse profusely (much like sweating) because I had no idea that the show was going to be THAT f-cked up.

It was a pretty lackluster show to say the least, with Taker's win the only great thing in the entire four-hour "extravaganza." The MITB Ladder match was pretty okay, too, although I expected it to last a little longer. Kennedy winning was also a good choice. Melina retaining, great! (Ashley does not deserve gold around her waist until she learns how to wrestle.) Kane jobbing, damnit! MVP losing to a headbutt, weird. McMahon bald, expected. ECW originals dominating, surprising, but good, nevertheless. All that leaves us is the so-called "main event" of the night.

Although it should come as no surprise that Cena would retain, I for one do not approve of that decision. For two straight Wrestlemanias, Cena has been in the main event. He won both matches. He made both opponents tap out. He was booed like crazy both times. What does that say about his tenure as champion?

He is made to seem so invincible that no one can beat him singlehandedly. There's a lot of danger in that. You know, I could go on and on about this for several more paragraphs (or essays, if I'm feeling it. But I don;t want to waste my time on bullshit topics) but the point is, if they (Management) don't want to turn Cena heel, at least have him drop the goddamn title! Make him chase it again. That's why last year's Unforgiven was such a success. You had Cena chasing his title with fire and passion.

He may have stopped evolving his character since he dropped his thug identity and went all "ooh im gonna salute my every opponent and act all cheesy and say im here as the champ." Fine. Make him stay that way for all I care. I just find it unfair that HBK went through all the trouble to carry that soggy SOB all throughout their 'Mania match and ended up on the losing end. HBK deserved that top spot more than Cena will ever be (for now).

Triple H tapping out last year was fairly acceptable in one way or another, but HBK tapping out this year? It's just plain bullshit.

After watching Wrestlemania 23, I will say this. I am so close to never patronizing WWE programming ever again. So close.

BEST & WORST OF 2006

Mr. Kennedy outside the Araneta Coliseum in Manila last October.

The Driver Seat
by Hub Pacheco

2006 was a great year for the WWE, far better than 2005. And I can attest to that greatness (and not so greatness) to the following reasons. A writing teacher of mine told me that a list is the easiest way to write something, a no-brainer if you will. And since I'm that busy (lazy), I give you the top 5 best and worst things in the WWE in 2006.

5 BEST:

1. Pay-per-views are worth watching.
- A departure from the ho-hum PPVs of 2005, 2006's PPVs were better in general, from backstage segments to the actual matches. Case in point: UNFORGIVEN 2006. That entire show is worth buying a home video of.

2. Booker T is the KING!
- King Bookeah revatilized the entire SmackDown! show for the last several months since he adopted the king gimmick and mind you, he's damn effective and funny! I will never forget that promo he did when SmackDown! came to Manila last October. He called the crowd "fruit pooties!" Damn I never expected Booker to be both so eloquent and hilarious at the same time! He is indeed, in his words, the ruler of the SmackDown Kingdom.

3. RAW & SmackDown! finally invades Philippine shores!
- With two shows per brand in a single year, this only proves that the WWE is highlights the World in World Wrestling Entertainment. And I am proud to say that I have watched all four shows even if it did end up blowing a big deep hole in my savings. I have finally watched a LIVE WWE show and for that 2006 is a personally memorable year for me, being a fan since the days of Hogan and WCW. And oh yes, Solar Entertainment, thank you and f--- you.

4. JBL is the new (and better) voice of SmackDown!
- No offense to Tazz, but JBL is funnier and more eloquent in English than Tazz will ever be. And add JBL's frequent intellectual side comments (his king references when Booker enteres the ring) and you get a more entertaining SmackDown!

5. The return of the Degenerates
- While I am extremely saddened by Triple H's quad injury at this year's New Year's Revolution, DX has been the highlight of RAW the past year. And it made for some really good segments: Vince peeing on Coach, DX in the WWE production truck, Vince getting shit all over him. Yes it may seem juvenile but it's funny as hell! Yes it's not 1996 anymore but HBK and HHH's comedic timing never gets old, especially their "let's get ready to s--- it" promo.

5 WORST:

1. ECW in general
- Don't get me wrong. I love ECW. But this new one seems lost from the start. I don't know. Something just doesn't feel right. Wrong pushes, de-pushes? Ambiance? Maybe it's the fact that it's WWE-produced that makes it awkward. And since Paul Heyman's out of the picture, I can safely assume that ECW won't last for long. The only consolation in ECW is CM Punk. And even he is getting some heat backstage (according to reports on wrestling-edge.com)

2. Vickie Guerrero
- I don't have to elaborate on this one as I've said my piece before. She does not belong in the world of wrestling. She needs to be with her family.

3. Kurt "Benedict Arnold" Angle goes to TNA
- I don't know the full story to it but in my estimation (and my colleague's estimation), Angle made a big mistake. But if you look at it positively, it kinda works both ways. At least we get to see Angle vs. Samoa Joe. Man, their first match was off the charts! Let's just hope that Angle is healthy enough to compete in the coming months.

4. Boogeyman is still a stupid gimmick.
- Why the hell did WWE ever sign him back after releasing him? It makes no sense. He is a stupid character with a character longevity issue. I can't imagine him winning a singles title and walking (?) to the ring with it. I hope Gregory Helms does not drop the Cruiserwight title to that moron. (Note: I am referring to Boogeyman the WWE character, not Boogeyman the person underneath the makeup and worms.)

5. Weird interbrand relations
- What is up with Johnny Nitro appearing in SmackDown! and Matt Hardy on RAW? And on ECW? I thought that was only for one night? Blame it on the lack of star power on some shows? Sure, you could say that. But whatever happened to rigid interbrand competition? The Raw vs. SmackDown! in 2005? Well, I guess that's out of the window.


Well, that's about it. Let's hope for a better 2007. What's that? Khali's on RAW? Okay, never mind.

SMACKDOWN, PLEASE. GIMME A BREAK.

THE DRIVER SEAT
by Hub Pacheco

Well, I'm back and I'm still scavenging for time to write the recap to last Month's WWE SmackDown Tour here in the Philippines. Yes it was a great two days but somehow I never got around to writing the recap. Maybe it was because my enthusiasm to write about it went out the window the moment that cameras were supposedly "banned" from the event. F--- that, I saw a guy inside the building with a Nikon D2x! (a pro camera) Well, I got some good shots OUTSIDE the arena of some superstars whom I unexpectedly came across. That story will saved when I write about the tour, which probably won't have any bearing as it has been over a month now since the event. Nonetheless, I will get around to it, eventually. I hope. Now, onto the main course!

This edition of the Driver Seat is dedicated to some random thoughts on WWE SmackDown! You know the drill, folks. I write it short but sweet. So here it goes.

PUTTING OUT THE FIRE BEFORE IT EVEN STARTS

You might have noticed the teensy tension that Brian Kendrick is developing on Paul London. You know, on last week's SD!, when Kendrick came out to help London against William Regal. Then Ashley bumped into Kendrick. Yadayada. Ashley comes to the aid of London instead of minding Kendrick. Then you got that little look of disappointment/jealousy on Kendrick's face afterwards. This week, same shit again as Kendrick got distracted when it was his turn versus Regal. COME ON! I (and every other WWE fan) know where this is going to lead to! Kendrick starts to hate London. They fight, implode and lose the tag titles, whichever comes first. Is it just me or is the lifespan of a tag team only less than a year? I thought London and Kendrick was supposed to be in a program with Idol Stevens and KC James? Well, The Pitbulls are out so Jamie Noble is back to being a generic jobber. Damn, I wish Noble had it better. He's a great wrestler. Anyway, back to the lameass implosion angle. Well, I hope that in their "storied and touching" feud to come, they'll at least put on a great match or two.

(IN THE TONE AND PRONOUNCIATION OF THE STEREOTYPICAL AFRICAN-AMERICAN) VICKIE, PLEASE!

I've really wanted tp talk about this bit ever since it started. WHAT THE HELL IS VICKIE GUERRERO DOING IN WWE? COME ON! Her supposed character doesn't fit her AT ALL. Turning heel on Rey Mysterio and doing all that heel crap. She doesn't give me any heel heat. She just makes me wanna turn away from my TV every time I see her on SD! It's true. I'm disgusted. Now, you may argue that maybe it was Mrs. Guerrero's decision to be a WWE talent. What, she can't support her family so she's going out there every week and making a fool out of herself? All right, maybe she does want to supprot her family by doing that. Buy by doing that, the image that I saw of her in Eddie's DVD story and in her Wrestlemania 22 appearance just went away for me. Can't she find something better to do? Why not start a foundation in Eddie's name? Or something along the lines of normalcy. Sorry for the harshness but really, she doesn't belong in the WWE. Leave all the heel heat to Chavo and stay out of the picture. Noted IWC columnist Linda Robin said that we should give Vickie a chance. While I highly respect Mrs. Robin's opinions, I say, please. Gimme a break.


Well, that's about it for now. There are a lot of positive things to be said about SmackDown! but the real fun is in talking about things that pisses me (and most WWE fans, I assume) the most. I mean, if it's great, why sprinkle it with more praises? Yeah I should but like I said, the real fun is in the stuff that leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
I'll be watching Survivor Series tonight and I'm looking forward to a great show. (The only advantage Filipino WWE fans have over US fans is that we get to watch PPVs in cinemas for USD6.00! US fans have to shell out around USD35-40 for their PPVs. So to JackTV, thank you. But f--- you for those tickets last October.) Although the formation of teams for the classic Survivor Series match is obvioulsy rushed. Hell, there wasn't even an angle. It was like WWE management played chess with the three brands' rosters. Anyway, to hell with angles. I'm fed up with some on SmackDown!, so I'll just leave it at that.